Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Reflections of my own Journey and Spiritual awakening....

My ability to understand and relate to others comes from many life times, numerous contracts and mastery of karmic patterns I set before me.  People often say to me you have had a hard life, you deserve more or maybe they even feel bad for me.  These are all very sweet and loving intentions that are very much appreciated but do not accurately reflect the purpose of these obstacles.  It is my own recognition and ability to walk in another’s shoes that facilitates my capacity to help others.  Being able to relate to others in need, is not learned in text books or through any type of training.  My deep rooted sense of compassion stems from having walked the same path set before all who take on this earthly plane.

I smile sometimes when  I think of all the things I have had to overcome.  My childhood was marked by abandonment  such as a completely absentee father, a mentally ill mother plagued with paranoia, depression and possibly schizophrenia,  a myriad of undesirable neighborhoods complete with all of its perils, such as exposure to gangs and drugs,  physical abuse by caretakers that includes being beaten and molested while I was still in diapers, an uncle that tried constantly to come on to me and touch me inappropriately, never quite fitting in socially, a child with special needs, full blown anger and resentment that I could bury deep but unexpectedly manifested itself in horrible ways. Full empathic connections to everyone around me without any understanding of what that even meant until much later in life, complete and utter disregard for authority and broken systems such as education, religion and society’s expectations.  All those things you could say were a piece of cake, until I faced my last and final test, the straw that broke the camel’s back, the loss of my own child.

Even though that seems like quite a laundry list it was not all bad, I had a grandmother, an aunt and two uncles that loved me unconditionally.  My grandmother stayed until I was 5 and she would work two jobs, get up early to wash my diapers do anything she needed to do to make sure I had what I needed.  My aunt and her then husband being only 18/19 years old at the time, took me in when my mother couldn’t care for me and treated me like their own child.  To this day I could never call my uncle Ricky anything less than uncle regardless ofwhether or not their marriage certificate was still valid, because there was time…that I called him dad.   By the time my cousin was born, my immature 3.5 year old mind resented him so much, for taking away the only stability I had in my life.  The concept of love being something that could expand and not shrink when shared was beyond me at the time. My aunt whom took over and did all the parenting I needed regardless of whether or not I appreciated it, became the only person I could talk to.  In addition I was first born and was cared for by my other uncles and aunts all of them balancing out, in their own way, the heavy karmic patterns I chose for myself. 

And of course last but not least, there was my uncle who is now my daughter…who loved me so much in his past life he came back to rescue me from failing at this one.  Something I will never forget that he did, was be there to welcome me into this world when I was born.  My mother had been expecting a boy, to my sheer and utter horror my name was supposed to be Brian something or other.  Since men were not allowed into a delivery room , my uncle had no idea that I was not in fact a boy.  The nurses in turn had no idea that my uncle was not my father, so when they called him to the nursery,  presented him with all the newborns and asked him to pick out which one was his, without any hesitation he took one look at the little pink bundle that was me and said “ THAT ONE!”   As my uncle, I was given ample warning when he would die and he told me himself when he would come back as my daughter.  Whether people understand this or not my own connection with my daughter extends far beyond time and space. 

Back to the point, there isn’t anything wrong with the name Brian, but I clearly choose to incarnate as a female this time and name myself. To this day my mother has no idea that I named myself, which is why my first name is CINDY and not Maria, Guadalupe or Lola.  The name means LIGHT and is characterized by a deep inner desire to serve humanity and to give to others by sharing money, knowledge and experience, or creative and artistic ability.  People with this name tend to initiate events, to be leaders rather than followers, with powerful personalities. They tend to be courageous and sometimes aggressive. As unique, creative individuals, they tend to resent authority, and are sometimes stubborn, proud, and impatient. Those of you that know me well, recognize every last one of these characteristics as my own.

So as you can see there are always things to help balance things out.  The amount of time spent suffering, lost or disconnected all depends on our own ability to recognize and focus on all the good in our lives.  Even though this heavy karmic pattern defined much of  how I developed my sense of self and misguided disconnect from the world at large.  I grew and evolved and to look at me now,  the person I have become still amazes me.  I have undergone radical transformations and left the shadow of my past behind me. My journey was long and hard and many times I wanted to give up.  Something many do not understand is that we can get out of our contracts at any point of time.   Aside from the karmic patterns we choose that  includes how and when we can die.   We have the ability to manifest illness, car accidents, murder anything and everything to cut out early and leave and NO ONE would ever know. 

Those left behind would feel sorrow and pain for that life cut short but they would never know that it was done on purpose.  As a baby I would do this often, my mother even went to the extreme of baptizing me because she was sure I would leave this plane early and according to her beliefs she needed to make sure to send me off properly.  Another time I let my immune system not fight, I slowly let my blood be poisoned, let my kidneys shut down so that I could go quickly into sudden death.  It is called Sepsis and it would have been quite easy.  Those that know me, know that I have a seemingly super human immune system that has never let me down.  A doctor recently told me my white blood cell count was high and assumed I was fighting an infection, to which I had to tell him, NO that is my normal count it is simply much more efficient than yours and most of the population.   In the past it has been weakened only by two things, immunization vaccinations and the desire to go home.

It wasnt until my brush with death,  that I realized that I have been given many opportunities to awaken.  Each time I would leave my body, connect with home,  I would be convinced to try again, that failure was not an option.  And so here I am, able to tell you all that it is possible to connect with your higher self, that ascension is possible and that your contract can and will be fulfilled. 

Your own self discovery and spiritual awakening can be the greatest gift you can offer
mankind.  You will find that  a sincere and honest quest for your own truth,  is supported by the universe and guides you almost seamlessly, through countless reservoirs of unconditional love and support, deep spiritual insights, an uncanny understanding of your life and its meaning and the seamless navigation of what used to be considered a crazy and chaotic life.

Although many things will test your ability to stay grounded, cause doubt and lack of faith.  Our only job in this school called “earth” is to rekindle our connection to our source energy.  Mastery of this life and all others on earth is defined by our own ability to apply our knowledge, faith and understanding to every obstacle that crosses our path with a deep sense of peace and tranquility.  There is a peaceful and easy life ahead for anyone willing to take the leap of faith into the abyss with complete and utter faith, knowing that heaven on earth awaits them. 

I loving service to all, I AM THE HIDDEN ONE.

No comments:

Post a Comment