Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Wounded Healer

There is nothing more piercing than the sound of anguished cry due to the loss of senseless violence. This piercing sound could mean the loss of your child, your mother, brother your sister. We see this everyday, some more than others. I know this pain, I know this seemingly inhuman sound that pierces everyone’s soul and grips them beyond words into stunned silence. I know it well, it defined me for years because I could not get beyond that pain.

I am what is known as the “wounded healer”, many of us are. We signed up for some pretty horrific things to happen in our lives. Some of us agreed to play the role of victim others agreed to play the "victimizer". I know what you all are thinking how could one possibly sign up for murder, violence, abuse, illness and pain? Yet we did, why you ask? Because from the perspective we held we understood where “we” these “victims” would go. We know this place in our hearts, where everything is positive and the possibilities are endless. We know this place on other planets, on astral levels where we can do and say anything and be surrounded by unconditional love and light so great it can bring us to tears just to think of it. We know that these “victims” not only continue to live on and will come back to live on again. Because nothing is ever lost and all things return to their source. It is not so much about having faith in the invisible as it is about remembering….where you came from…

These things serve a purpose, they are not punishments created by some “revenge loving sky daddy” but they are lessons. These polarities exist so we can transcend them and we must not lose sight of these lessons. If losing your niece in a drunk driving accident, made you more aware of drunk driving and you become an awareness advocate, than she served her purpose. If losing your best friend to spousal abuse, made you write your congressman and create stricter protection laws, than she served her purpose. If losing your brother to some relatively unheard of disease that people are not really in the know of and this makes you become more involved than he served his purpose. If losing my own child gave me a greater understanding of the depths one can sink into by such a loss, then my child did not die in vain. You see if others now benefit from my transformation, then I didn't let my son down and I upheld my end of the bargain.

If the repeated massacre of thousands of people, stunned us awake, than their loss was not in vain. You see when 911 happened I was oblivious because I spent my time in a hospital hating God for what he took from me, for leaving me a child in a vegetative state. Oh I said it and I didn’t stutter. It is a perfectly normal stage of grief to blame God and be angry at the world. Yet now, years later I see thousands of people on the net becoming aware of their own government’s involvement in the massacre of those people and I see their loss was not in vain. Right now we have a mass shooting in a Colorado movie theater and not one person thinks that kid did it by himself? Not one person believes half the BS the news is trying to spin. We are not easily convinced anymore….and all though I deeply sorry for the grief these people may be feeling and believe me I know it well, I take comfort because I do know where they are. I understand the sacrifice they made and I hope others will too

You see we can all be wounded but it takes a great sense of determination to stand beyond your sense of loss, remember where you came from and then heal others. A wounded healer’s ability to relate to the wounded is not found in your books, nor is this experience gained by any amount of study. We are the true warriors, the ones that stand against insurmountable odds, to prove to you that YES YOU CAN OVERCOME anything that is thrown your way. We stand next to you and understand you all from the very depths of our soul. We walked in your shoes, our hearts bled in the same way, we know your anger, your confusion, we know because we have walked your path before you and yet here we stand with our hands and our hearts …lighting the way out of the darkness.

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